Episode 25

Can You Bank On Your Friendships | LAYC25

Dr. Stephen R. Covey used a great metaphor for close relationships as joint emotional bank accounts.

“By proactively doing things that build trust in a relationship, one makes ‘deposits.’  Conversely, by reactively doing things that decrease trust, one makes ‘withdrawals.’  The current ‘balance’ in the emotional bank account, will determine how well two people can communicate and problem-solve together.” 

Today we talk about the reality that friendships worth having, require cultivation and nurturing.

Why are we surprised when a friendship fades away or ends abruptly?

As we evolve and grow as individuals, our needs change and so do our abilities and resources. Change affects friendship and being aware of this is essential to enjoying healthy, balanced relationships.

BONUS: 

Isabel extends a gift to her listeners of her proprietary Friendship Health Checkup. Get a copy of this friend-saving evaluation at www.MyEncoreFriends.com

RESOURCES:

Episode 23 – Best Friends Day Everyday

https://lift-as-you-climb.captivate.fm/episode/best-friends-day-everyday

Episode 07 – BFF Not Forever 

https://lift-as-you-climb.captivate.fm/episode/bff-not-forever-layc07

  

About the Host:

Isabel Banerjee - Your Next Business

Strategist and Transformation Catalyst

 

Dynamic, a self-made entrepreneur who overcame obstacles with an unrelenting positive nature, a farm girl work ethic, and a conscious choice to thrive rather than survive, Isabel Alexander Banerjee cultivated an award-winning, $10 million+ global chemical business and grew it from dining room table to international boardrooms.

Isabel’s strengths include the ability to initiate & nurture strategic relationships, a love of lifelong learning and talents for helping others maximize their potential. An inspiring speaker within both industry and community, she is a driving force behind those with the courage to foll0ow her example of thriving against the odds.

With 50+ years of business experience across diverse industries, Isabel is respected as an advisor, a coach, a mentor, and a role model. She believes in sharing collective wisdom and empowering others to economic independence.

 

Founder of the Lift As You Climb Movement (www.facebook.com/groups/liftasyouclimbmovement)

and

Chief Encore Officer, The Encore Catalyst (www.theencorecatalyst.com) – an accelerator for feminine wisdom, influence, and impact.

also

Author & Speaker ‘Who Am I Now? – Feminine Wisdom Unmasked Uncensored’ (www.IsabelBanerjee.com)

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/isabelalexanderbanerjee/

 

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If you have questions about this episode, please send me an email at Hello@TheEncoreCatalyst.com

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Show Notes are

Coming Soon!

Transcript
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Welcome back my friends.

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And I hope that it's all right with you...

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That I call you my friends, because I feel that way.

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After all here I am, sharing intimate thoughts from inside my head and my

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heart, and sharing so much of my own life, experience, and evolution.

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Just like I would with my really good friends.

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And that's the conversation today.

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It's about friendship.

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I know we've talked about friendship on a couple of past episodes, including Best

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Friend Day Everyday and BFF Not Forever.

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But there's still more, so much more to be said on the topic.

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And I know I'm not alone right now in having friendship very much on my mind...

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Because I'm hearing from you, and I'm hearing from the people in

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my immediate circles, about...

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Wow...

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Friendships are not simple.

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Friendships take work.

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They're like flowers in a garden.

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They need tending, and cultivating, and sometimes they need weeding.

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They will always need sunshine and water to bloom...

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And very much like flowers in the garden...

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Each one is unique and beautiful.

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That is the magic of friendships.

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They're always different, changing...

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Growing.

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Adding color and joy to our lives.

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But if you neglect the friendship...

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It will wither and die.

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No matter what age you are now, I'm sure that you've probably

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lost at least one friend...

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To a life ended sooner than we wanted to let them go.

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One of my greatest regrets in life was not making up with a very, very dear friend,

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before she was killed in a car accident.

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We'd had a terrible falling out over something completely unimportant now.

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I'd had the opportunity to say, I'm sorry.

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And to accept the apology she wanted to give me, but my stubborn pride kept me

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from enjoying her, and our friendship, for those few more weeks that I could have.

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As the years go by and as life changes and we start to experience

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our own human body frailties.

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We have to say goodbye to people that are dear and our lives.

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Recently, we've also lived through the experience of a global pandemic that

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made human connection and relationships even more important in our lives.

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In episode 23, Best Friends Day Everyday, I talked about evaluating your

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friendships coming out of the pandemic.

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And what you noticed about who were the friends that showed

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up for you during this time...

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And who were the friends who did not show up for you and how

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that might have surprised you...

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Or disappointed you.

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Plus on the upside...

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Who were the new friends that you made?...

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That you might not have otherwise?...

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Without the changes forced on you, because of COVID-19.

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At the time I also introduced to you a tool, that I developed

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that's helped me for years...

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Work through the complexities, and challenging times, of really good

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friendships with evolutionary women.

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I call it my friendship health check-up.

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It's a free tool that I'm offering to you to download and use any time, and often.

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It may help you to go through the process of evaluating your friendships and knowing

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that relationships change just like we do.

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Who are you now in those relationships?

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How are they serving you?...

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To be more of you?

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Not less of you...

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and perhaps...

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It will also reveal, that some friendships may now be at a crossroads...

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And it's time to consider re-allocating them in your life.

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So when you're ready...

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Pop on over to www.MyEncoreFriends.com and grab a copy.

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I'll also put that URL in the show notes, to make it easy for you to find it.

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Recently, I was reminded of something that Stephen Covey said...

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and by the way...

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Wasn't that man just brilliant and insightful about human

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relationships and human behaviors?

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Mr.

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Covey shared a very powerful metaphor to describe relationships

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as emotional bank accounts.

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He showed us how we could use that as a frame work for evaluating

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the health of our relationships.

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I think it's very interesting to think of each important relationship

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in my life as a joint bank account.

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It takes two of us to sign up and engage, in this joint emotional

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account, to make it sustainable and available for both of us...

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When we need to draw on it.

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It's also where reminder that we must always be making regular deposits...

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Or the account will simply be overdrawn, if we're not both putting

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in more than we're taking out.

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So using Stephen Covey's model, I took a look at some of my relationships that I

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wasn't sure were really balanced anymore.

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And it helped me to look at it less emotionally...

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And make some decisions around continued investment in those accounts.

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It's always important to be thinking about our friendships in terms of...

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Who we are now...

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Not who we used to be...

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And who we want to become next.

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If you've been with me for a while, you know I talk about vitamin G, which

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stands for Vitamin Girlfriends, and how significant my best girlfriend

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relationships are in my life and contribute constantly to my sense

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of wellbeing, and my personal and professional development.

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And of course...

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the pure joy and fun of having friends to celebrate my accomplishments in my life.

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I examined each one of those treasured Vitamin G relationships...

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In the context of that joint emotional bank account...

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And asked myself questions like...

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Is this account solid?

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Does it have a balance that was built on mutual respect, and

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shared values and commitments.

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A commitment to continue to work together through ups and downs,

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and grow together and solve any problems that may come along our way.

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I had to ask myself, am I honestly able to say that I'm adding deposits

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and adding value to the relationship?

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Do I feel confident that each of us, are making deposits and adding value?

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Do I feel there's balance?

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Is there a fairness?

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A balance...

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a reciprocity in their relationship?

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Even though I have no expectation of us to be equally contributing,

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always at the same time, the same amount, or with the same impact...

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After all, life just doesn't work that way.

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Some days I will have more to give, and some days, I will need to receive more.

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What's important in a really good relationship is that there is a commitment

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over a long term, to work together and grow together and support each other.

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Sometimes, and I hope it's not too often for you, or me, that we have to

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make a decision to freeze a friendship account for a while, until we can

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renegotiate the terms of the relationship, and restore the account balance...

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A healthy, happy, loving relationship.

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Occasionally, we may have to face the difficult choice of having to terminate

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or close a friendship account forever.

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Conditions like willful neglect, emotional abuse, betrayal of trust, or confidence...

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Passive aggressive behavior.

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Friendships cannot thrive under these conditions.

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So it's best to make a difficult decision.

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Do it quickly, and know that you're closing the account, in

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the interest of both of you.

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Carefully chosen friendships serve an extremely important

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purpose in our evolution.

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They're there to help us become the best of us.

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The right friends see potential in us...

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That perhaps we're not even aware of yet.

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They're there to support us, to live the legacy that we desire and

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enjoy it while we're present to experience it, and influence it,

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and leave an impact in the world.

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They're there to celebrate with us great achievement, and epic accomplishments.

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I want my best friends there.

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When I reach my goals,

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I also believe strongly that it is a disservice to our friends, if we're

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not doing everything that we need to...

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To live up to our full potential, and be the best version of ourselves.

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In doing so...

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In always striving to be the best us...

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We automatically become far better friends...

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To our friends.

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When we continue to invest in ourselves, we have more capacity

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to invest in our friendships.

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So for today, I'd like to leave you just to think on the friendships

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that have had an impact in your life.

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How many of them are still close friends?

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Which ones perhaps have been re-allocated to a different priority in your life?...

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But they're still there.

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And like friends that we haven't seen for a while...

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But when we reconnect with them, it seems like we can just pick

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up right where we left off.

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Then there are those friends, that as they say, have come into our

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lives for a reason and a season...

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They've taught us something valuable.

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If you're like me, and you realize how much richer your life truly has been

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because of the investment that friends have made in us, and the investment

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that we have made in our friends.

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You're going to want to continue to have a return on your investment, for years...

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and make sure that you're always being the best friend that you can.

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Wealth managers and financial advisors will always counsel you that it's best to

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take a long-term view of your investments.

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And it's essential to make sure that you're doing regular review of your

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investments so that you can rebalance your portfolio when it's necessary.

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That's how you get the greatest return on your financial investments, but it also

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works for your friendship investments.

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Remember...

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You've got my Friendship Health Checkup as a resource that can help you with your

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planning and assessing friendships, and make the necessary adjustments to create

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strong, rich, beautiful friendships.

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Every day is a wonderful friendship day for me.

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Especially when I get to engage with you.

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I'd love to hear your friendship stories..

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How you learn to be a better friend.

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It would be great if you share those stories on the Lift As You

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Climb Movement Facebook Group, because I know that your story...

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Your examples can inspire someone else and you'll be there to lift

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them on their friendship ladders.

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All right.

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So that's a wrap for today on the friendship conversation, but

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we'll come back to it again.

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There's never an end to that topic.

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However, next week, I want to change things up for us

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with a totally new theme...

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Where I'm going to share my musings on the "We FIX You" industries.

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I think they've got it all wrong...

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and...

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I'll be excited to share some insights, and some news on spectacular

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summer guests on the podcast.

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So Tune IN!

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And have a great week friends!

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Lift As You Climb
Lift As You Climb
Live Your Legacy; Empower Others to Create Theirs

About your host

Profile picture for Isabel Banerjee

Isabel Banerjee

Dynamic, self-made entrepreneur who overcame obstacles with an unrelenting positive nature, a farm girl work ethic and a conscious choice to thrive rather than survive, Isabel Alexander Banerjee cultivated an award winning, $10 million+ global chemical wholesale business and grew it from dining room table to international boardrooms.

Isabel’s strengths include the ability to initiate & nurture strategic relationships, a love of lifelong learning and talents for helping others maximize their potential. An inspiring speaker within both industry and community, she is a driving force behind those with the courage to follow her example of thriving against the odds.

With 50+ years of business experience across diverse industries, Isabel is respected as an advisor, a coach, a mentor and a role model. She believes in sharing collective wisdom and empowering others to economic independence.

Isabel Banerjee
Your Next Business Strategist and Transformation Catalyst